Wedding Anniversary

Today I have been married for 28 years. And today I cannot see how I can carry on with it. I am tired of the ties that bind, especially the economic ones.
Tired of always having to compromise and put others first. The accountant and I are on divergent paths. The supportive railway tracks are cracking up.
I have been away from home for two long periods already in the last 3 years. Now the walls of my house are caving in again and I need to leave once more.
This is more than depression and empty nest syndrome. This is bad.

Two days at home without academic stimulation and I am crawling up the walls. I missed an opportunity to go to London to a seminar on the work of Derek Jarman. See

http://www.serpentinegallery.org/2008/02/conference_against_the_grain_1.html

I am interested in his film Blue, but I think it is showing at the exhibition of his work at the Serpentine Gallery. It felt a bit silly to go to the seminar without seeing the exhibition. I was interested in hearing differing critical viewpoints in the area of visual art and film. One of the speakers was Laura Mulvey.

Bad news for a globalised hybridity study really. And for the image of myself in this blog which I realise is very much an English lady, with all the limitations that implies. Is leaving your husband like childbirth - not understoood as dangerous to the mind until too late ?

I return to the subject of the hour. Overall musing about this dissertation. These are the pieces that are not usually revealed by writers of any type. NOT having a clear overall view of the topic for one thing. Mixing the personal with the impersonal for another. More mind mapping I think.