Updating my stupidity over perfectionism

Well I am facing defeat in the face over my dissertation. Spent most of the month writing and re-writing a review which turned into an essay over the second film of my director Claudio Assis which is called Baixio das Bestas (Bog of Beasts) which I saw at Rotterdam. Both are unfinished. I have seen my professor twice and handed nothing in and this is the last week of term. How weak is that?
So I think he will give up on me.
I have applied for various jobs, and only have an interview for one so badly paid and junior that I must be completely stir-crazy to even consider it - and the temporary relocation to London that it would involve.
I actually spent most of the month writing diary like entries of pure angst too terrible to put up here.
Question. What does a mental breakdown look like?
Positive notes. I have just signed up to take a course on Latin American Film taken at the lovely Arts Cinema here at Cambridge. It will be taught by Sarah who is writing a PhD on the Peruvian Film Industry. She is going to show some of the Brazilian Cinema Novo films that I need to see. Problem: It costs £60 which I do not have.
And I have been sent an invitation to a conference in Rio with the Brazilian Film Studies Students for October which is a huge incentive if only I had written anything worthwhile !
So I am going to go and have a cup of tea. Then I am going to look at my e-mails and send some off befor 5. And then I am going to do some work. And stop crying.
And then see if my nephew wants to go to his German lesson in Ely, which I usually spend talking to a wonderful retired Maths professor called Prof. Maude. And I will tell you about him another time.